Every two weeks we rotate out from the decaying underground labyrinth seemingly designed to cause environmental hazards to my server cluster. I get some vitamin D (take that as you will) and hit the town like a sailor on shore leave in 1930s Shanghai. In the kind of luck that always comes my way the…
I swear on the baby Yeezus I find out which one of you hermaphroditic anal polyps left my mail *inside* the airlock to the biodome I’m going to beat you harder than a teenager’s dick when he’s logged into Porntube. And where in the shitdick are these mother-fucking komodos mother-fucking coming from?
Prepare your anus for total penetration by biceps, overacting and the spike-encrusted dong that is Stephen King’s terrible, terrible storytelling. That’s right butt-monkeys, its time to revisit Running Man, now available to stream on Netflix. Running Man was so terrible even at the time of original release that I hadn’t bothered to rent it out…
There’s a black hole way down at the center of the internet and while the combined digital knowledge of humanity races outwards, incrementally larger each day like an interactive sim of the big bang, if you go back down into the basement where it all gets creaky and there’s like, one bare lightbulb hanging from…
In 2016 there will be a cyborg Olympics. No greater sentence has ever been uttered in the English language. My 12 year old self just got a huge erection and pleasured himself to the gynoid engineer from Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone. From the website: The Cybathlon is a championship for racing pilots with…
That rotten bucket full of harvested cow vagina, Nicole, from HR lost my completed insurance claim form *again* which means I’ll have been waiting a full four weeks for reimbursement on the t-4 Semplia Module I had to shell out full price for at point of purchase. I swear on my mother’s zombie corpse I…
SPOILER ALERT: False Positive 