So… this week’s quarterly round of employee stress surveys from wellnessbot is, uh, weirding me the fuck out. Jeremy the LAN guy says ever since the 11g upgrade wb has been burning up a lot of extra CPU usage and yet this 60-grit sandpaper condom is the latest output. Not exactly gonna make Turing roll…
Assholes are like a nerd’s complaint about why we haven’t gone to Mars yet: everybody’s got one. The trailer for Chris Nolan’s Interstellar is balls-out blatant about it: this planet is shitcanned, you want to save humanity, get your cool-ass spaceship to a new planet. I like a good metaphor for class struggle as much…
There’s a nerd war going on. You sense it in the air, right after you wade through the sea of Attack on Titan cosplayers clogging up the place like some sort of weird Hitler Youth in their identical uniforms. And it’s not a war of ‘cosplay is not consent’ either. It’s a battle to the…
Hey kids, ol manglecramps is limping along under his own power these days. Turns out when you spend two weeks at a time working in a converted fallout shelter your kids cry when you come home and your wife starts an OK Cupid profile. But that’s fine. It’s all for national security, right? So we’re…
I swear on the baby Yeezus I find out which one of you hermaphroditic anal polyps left my mail *inside* the airlock to the biodome I’m going to beat you harder than a teenager’s dick when he’s logged into Porntube. And where in the shitdick are these mother-fucking komodos mother-fucking coming from?
There’s a black hole way down at the center of the internet and while the combined digital knowledge of humanity races outwards, incrementally larger each day like an interactive sim of the big bang, if you go back down into the basement where it all gets creaky and there’s like, one bare lightbulb hanging from…
Recently getting some hits on the internets is the new retro scifi film that got some nerd kerfuffle at SXSW, Space Station 76. The folks at io9 do a decent job running down why but owing to a pre-existing condition of sexual fetishism it’s pretty much predetermined I’ll see this. I have a deep, deep…
During my endless screening of the internet for bad guys I actually spend at least half of my day reading movie blogs. So, win/win. Maybe it’s my bi-monthly anti-toxin infusion making my whole body ache, but I’m in a mean mood. You know they say it’s for nerve-agent attacks but I saw the markings on…
Much like porn star James Deen when he puts a foot on the back of his partner’s neck during doggie style, every director has a signature move, a go-to style just so people know who it is fucking them. Most movie goers couldn’t tell you who directed a film if their sweaty, $20, IMAX 3D…
If you’ve ever wanted to experience the Ludovico technique in real life this is about as close as I’ve ever come to having my emotions physically ripped from my body by an audio-visual presentation. That’s meant as an endorsement, of sorts.
SPOILER ALERT: False Positive 