Screw this Oracle upgrade. If I wanted to be dry-fucked in the ass I’d finally accept Jeremy the LAN guy’s invitation to watch Animal Planet on his couch and let him roofie me into the land of anal fissures. I would more enjoy waking up facedown in his home-made, crotchless, ewok costume while Jerry shouts…
Hey kids, ol manglecramps is limping along under his own power these days. Turns out when you spend two weeks at a time working in a converted fallout shelter your kids cry when you come home and your wife starts an OK Cupid profile. But that’s fine. It’s all for national security, right? So we’re…
Every two weeks we rotate out from the decaying underground labyrinth seemingly designed to cause environmental hazards to my server cluster. I get some vitamin D (take that as you will) and hit the town like a sailor on shore leave in 1930s Shanghai. In the kind of luck that always comes my way the…
Prepare your anus for total penetration by biceps, overacting and the spike-encrusted dong that is Stephen King’s terrible, terrible storytelling. That’s right butt-monkeys, its time to revisit Running Man, now available to stream on Netflix. Running Man was so terrible even at the time of original release that I hadn’t bothered to rent it out…
Since I first met her, my ex, the crazybananaspants hippy, has held this, um nostalgia-induced hallucination that she’s good at carrying through on things. And as long as I’ve known her she has steadfastly maintained how awesome it would be to drop out and live off the land in some sort of quasi-peasant serfdom where…
In what’s sure to become a thing I’ve taken to combing the old data files while the air scrubbers are running their weekly reset cycle looking for something I haven’t watched, like, a thousand times. Clan of the Cave Bear: a critique Are you fucking with me? I never got the chance to see this…
SPOILER ALERT: False Positive 