So… this week’s quarterly round of employee stress surveys from wellnessbot is, uh, weirding me the fuck out. Jeremy the LAN guy says ever since the 11g upgrade wb has been burning up a lot of extra CPU usage and yet this 60-grit sandpaper condom is the latest output. Not exactly gonna make Turing roll…
Screw this Oracle upgrade. If I wanted to be dry-fucked in the ass I’d finally accept Jeremy the LAN guy’s invitation to watch Animal Planet on his couch and let him roofie me into the land of anal fissures. I would more enjoy waking up facedown in his home-made, crotchless, ewok costume while Jerry shouts…
There’s a nerd war going on. You sense it in the air, right after you wade through the sea of Attack on Titan cosplayers clogging up the place like some sort of weird Hitler Youth in their identical uniforms. And it’s not a war of ‘cosplay is not consent’ either. It’s a battle to the…
I swear on the baby Yeezus I find out which one of you hermaphroditic anal polyps left my mail *inside* the airlock to the biodome I’m going to beat you harder than a teenager’s dick when he’s logged into Porntube. And where in the shitdick are these mother-fucking komodos mother-fucking coming from?
That rotten bucket full of harvested cow vagina, Nicole, from HR lost my completed insurance claim form *again* which means I’ll have been waiting a full four weeks for reimbursement on the t-4 Semplia Module I had to shell out full price for at point of purchase. I swear on my mother’s zombie corpse I…
Since I first met her, my ex, the crazybananaspants hippy, has held this, um nostalgia-induced hallucination that she’s good at carrying through on things. And as long as I’ve known her she has steadfastly maintained how awesome it would be to drop out and live off the land in some sort of quasi-peasant serfdom where…
Insect On Insect Nightmare Fuel The environmental planners who built the ecodome spent years fine tuning their systems, studying biomes and trying to get everything just right in order to create a self-sustaining subterranean ecosphere. Meticulous calculations and preparations were made. Careers were made and lost ironing out the subtleties of the self-sustaining, self-contained environment…
I always loved empty places when I was a kid. Specifically places that were designed for hundreds of people to be but when you caught them at the right time they were empty. Like being on the university campus on a holiday. Or breaking into the underground storage rooms at the local mall on a…
Some unknown former employee built a bathtub hooch machine in the back of the sublevel 3 equipment locker which has been bottling vintages of industrial cleaning solvent for at least a quarter century. My guess it was one of those hippy engineers in the framed picture of Project Morrow staff from the Reagan Administration. Obviously…
Oh hello! Despite ongoing attempts to exterminate the komodo population we still come across shit like this in the biodome. I think they are in the water filtration system.
SPOILER ALERT: False Positive 